2002-2003

Today I’m going to share another moment in my life where I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the God of Heaven & Earth heard my prayers and answered.

If you know me personally or have read my posts up until now, you probably know how much I wanted to have a child.  I cannot put into words the hormones, emotions, and dissappointments that infertility makes a couple travel through.  The miscarriage had been so many years previous, yet the pain in my heart was still fresh as I  longed for what I had lost.  I cried out routinely to my God to hear my plea.  I wanted a child.  Not just any child, I specificially and selfishly asked God for a blonde haired, blue eyed, baby girl who was just like me.

I had been through several rounds of oral medications and my doctor wanted to try 5 more months of infertility treatments before doing an exploratory laproscopic surgery to look for problems.  I was tired of trying and trying only to be disappointed month by month.  I begged God to tell me if and when I would get pregnant once again.  One night, I felt a still, small voice from within me telling me that I would have 3 months of treatments, have surgery, and then get pregnant.  Not an audible voice, just there in the stillness of my prayer.  Wait…  Did I imagine that?  3 months didn’t make sense!  The doctor clearly said 5 months, then surgery.  Afterall, if God heard me, couldn’t he just touch my body and make it all well without all of the treatments and surgery?  So, I pondered these things in my heart.

As I took injections for the infertility treatments, I started cramping worse and worse.  I was cramping so bad that the doctor was treating me with narcotics to control the pain throughout the entire month regardless of where my body was in the female reproductive cycle.  After 3 months of this agony, the doctor called me back into his office to talk about our options.  He said that I was having way too much pain and he thought it wise to go ahead and do the surgery to see what was going on.  Chill bumps immediately went up my spine!  It had been 3 months of treatment since that still small voice, now I was mysteriously being set up for surgery because of the pain?  Surely not, I wouldn’t let my hopes get up, but I knew that surgery needed to be done.  I knew something was wrong.

The surgery itself was uneventful.  The results?  Stage 3 endometriosis causing the cramping.  They removed the endometriosis as best they could.  I also had cervical polyps that we were told probably caused the first miscarriage.  I had never felt like something was wrong with the baby on the first pregnancy.  Somehow, I knew it was me.  Anytime someone said that there must have been something wrong with the baby, I would tell them, “No, it was just too perfect to be born into this sinful world.”  Now, I know.  It was my body, not the baby’s.  Perhaps God did think that child was just too perfect to be born into this sinful world…

Finally, the time had come when I would do another round of infertility treatments- this time with the endometriosis freshly cleaned out and no more cervical polyps.  Such a long wait in between, but this time I had more hope.  They had found the problem and fixed it as best they could.

I remember looking over the pregnancy test that I took early because I couldn’t wait any longer.  The second line was faint, but it was there.  I showed David.  He looked up shaking and said, “that’s positive!”  It hit me…  That still small voice had said, 3 months of treatment, surgery, then pregnancy.  It happened exactly as I had heard.  My God had heard my prayers and answered them.