As soon as we realized that David would need to drive to Ft. Worth for school, we moved to downtown Dallas. Although my legs did not care to work properly and I spent many evenings driving the few blocks back home hoping that I would continue to push through the cramping in my feet & calves to get my car back to the parking garage of our apartment, I have fond memories of that part of life. I was working at the BMT unit at Baylor and I loved my coworkers! We were still able to continue meeting with our church group that we loved. And, My brother rented an apartment across the street from us, so we spent many evenings together.
It was a young urban lifestyle that I had never experienced before. We would walk to restaurants and throughout downtown Dallas. However, I moved at a grandma pace. Although the meds had the demylination under control where more damage was not being done to my spinal cord, it was just the start of the recovery. I remember worrying if I could make it across the street before the light would change because I could not walk any faster. Coming from my past in running long distance track and doing drill team, this was extremely difficult for me to experience & for David to watch. Every evening I would cry myself to sleep through the never ending spasms of my muscles. My doctors tried medicines to control the pain, but I don’t recall that they worked very well except to put me into a brain foggy trance-like state. I felt like I was dreaming everything, that nothing was “real” and I didn’t really “care” about anything. So, I became very selfish in my attitude and didn’t care if or who I upset. This was definitely a low in my spiritual life. However, I always knew that God was there with me. He was the only “real” thing in my trance. He was there listening to every cry I would make, but He laid low with any answers at the time.
I remember my friends at work seeing the change in my behavior and lovingly asking me if I was depressed. I fought that thought! How could I be depressed if I had God in my life??? Would going on an antidepressant mean I was going mental? I had my professionalism & reputation to uphold and depression just didn’t fit in that model. So, no, I wouldn’t accept that thought. Not me. Never.
I wonder if I had listened, what would life have been like? Yes, I was depressed, but I wouldn’t admit it for several years.
In the fall of 2000, David & I packed up & moved to California for David’s residency. Thankfully, David’s dad packed his motorcycle and came with us to help us unload everything & get settled in. Then, he drove back to Texas to leave us to David’s learning.
We rented a house in Riverside, CA and started the next phase of our life. The area was gorgeous & we loved the weather, the ability to go to the beach, and the ability to go to the mountains to ski. California was very crowded & the traffic drove us crazy! Also, it was not uncommon to wait in the grocery store line for an hour before checking out. So, there were things we loved and things we hated. We were constantly in the state of “we will stay after graduation”, vs “we will go back home after graduation.”
What would this new life bring? Happiness? Sorrow? Healing? Enjoyment?